Warped Side Joke Book

Caution!!! This book is full of jokes that may cause improper body functions. If you hyperventilate easily you may need to read the book with a paper bag over your mouth and nose. If you have problems controlling your urine or stool you should try the adult diaper of read the jokes in the bathroom. If you release gas easily, you need to get two or three cans of disinfectant spray. Two cans are generally enough but the third can is nice if you happen to think of one of the jokes later. If your pucker string weakens and gas starts passing freely in a steady flow, stop reading, don't look for a book mark, get away from the book, you've read too much. Take a tablespoon of cat poop in your mouth and hold it till your butt draws up. Put book in locked safe for six months. If you've had surgery in the past five years read only one joke a day till complete. If you hyperventilate, cough, and pass gas at the same time, elevate head, call 911. Slobbering or foaming at the mouth is generally a sign of a good, healthy laugh. When you complete the book, you will probably want to smoke and then take a nap. This joke book is for seasoned veterans and not for rookies. If you are nervous put the book down and walk away. Don't look back. If you buy the book, make sure you have access to a cat. You have been warned and the author has been relieved of all responsibilities of improper body functions.