Grey Sex

Grey sex is saying ‘yes’ but thinking ‘no’. It’s feeling invisible, like you’re not even in the room. It’s wondering afterwards, ‘is that really what I wanted?’ or ‘did I just let that happen?’ Many people have sexual experiences that fall into a grey area between assault and ‘normal’ sex. Looking at heterosexuality and everyday domination, this book shows that in doing so, we are neither simply victims nor failing to assert ourselves. We are caught in relations of gendered power that may be hard to name or that may, in a world filled with violence, not seem worth mentioning. Tempting as it is to blame individuals for grey sexual experiences, Alexandra Kogl argues that we can’t make sense of the power at work if we stay stuck in self-blame, or even if we point the finger at the specific perpetrators involved. The personal is still political: the most intimate of human activities are both shaped by and shapers of unjust sexual hierarchies, which persist in liberal democracies. Grey Sex walks us through the shadow places between good and bad sex. With compelling insight into power relations that shape ambiguous sexual experiences and our sense of freedom, it offers a valuable read for people interested in sexual intimacy and relationships, sexual and gender-based violence and inequality.